That four letter word is Porn.
Pornography today is wide-spread. It is wide-spread and it is affecting lives, relationships and marriages. Studies show that compulsive behavior around porn affects the brain. The more you are exposed to it, the more you want to watch, leading to more cravings and more compulsive behavior. Porn addiction is a reality today.
Here is the story of a SLAA member relating to porn:
“I discovered porn at a very young age and started watching in secrecy. As I grew older porn started spreading fast over the internet. This led me to more regular watching.
Watching porn from a young age altered my view of sexuality, of love, of relationships. It contributed to me objectifying women. In my teens and 20’s I started viewing women as possible sexual partners, there to satisfy sexual urges. Many times I found myself fantasizing about sex and many times the fantasy was based on porn I had watched. When I started having sex, all I knew was having sex in the way I have seen in porn films. Today I know that the way sex is performed in porn is not the way it works in a mutually respecting relationship.
Porn played a role in me becoming promiscuous and unfaithful. The more I watched porn the more I wanted sexual variety. The more I watched the more I fantasized. I was hooked to those images. It contributed to me feeling sexually bored with a partner after a while in a relationship. On some occasions while having sex with a partner I was thinking of porn scenes I previously watched. I was not present in the sex act! Soon I ended up wanting also to experience the variety I saw on the screen in real life. From that it then escalated into more and more promiscuous behavior.
The reality is that porn actually took from me. I allowed it to take from me. I allowed it to take from me many hours and many years of healthy relationships and healthy sex. It took away an opportunity for healthy sexual intimacy. Healthy emotional and sexual intimacy is the foundation of healthy relationships. Porn does not bring couples together. My experience is that it actually puts distance between a couple and has the potential to contribute to the destruction of a relationship.
I am grateful that I recognized the dangers and consequences of porn as soon as I joined SLAA. I have stopped watching porn a few years ago. The cravings to watch porn evaporated after the third month of abstinence from it. Slowly and steadily the occasional flashbacks of porn scenes I had previously watched, abandoned their camp site inside my brain and evaporated also. This came through the tools of recovery I learned in SLAA and a willingness to stop damaging my own brain, my relationship, our sex life.
I am much happier today without porn in my life! I do not have to hide, watch and masturbate in secrecy, delete my web browsing history so no one can see. I feel free and I am free. I place my energy into working on real sexual and emotional intimacy in my relationship. Today I am able to enjoy great sex in my relationship without the distraction and destruction of porn. I am grateful!”
The above is just one of many stories around us of people who are affected or their lives are damaged by porn. It is also one of many stories of people who managed to wake up, gain freedom from compulsive porn viewing and started experiencing a healthy sex and love life.
It is important today to realize the damage that porn causes. There is more and more evidence surfacing that supports this.
Surveys in the US show that pornography is stated as a contributing factor to many divorce cases, up to 50%! A research study on porn found that married men who watch porn feel less satisfied with sex within their marriage and are less emotionally close to their wives. The study also showed that men and women who regularly use pornography show increased levels of infidelity.
More information on the effects of porn can be found in:
If you feel you are affected by porn, reach out. You are not alone, help is available.